It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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