He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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