So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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