my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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