Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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