I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
