Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
