there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
