Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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