mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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