I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
