our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
