Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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