dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
