dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
