they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
