ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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