I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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