I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
