i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
