A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
