I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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