if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just threw up on my dentist
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
