a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
