You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
