Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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