You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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