Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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