this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
