OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
