I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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