I skipped work to stalk him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
