I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
