i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
