my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
