Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
