i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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