fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
