people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
