Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
