just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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