FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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