Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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