i think my tv is drunk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
