I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
