just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
