I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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