in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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