OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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