i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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