I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
