I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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