Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize