I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize