needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
