I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
