she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
