my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ok first of all what the fuck
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
