Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
