haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
