If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
