Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
