We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
