Three words: puerto rican gang bang
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
