you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
