every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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