Buhtt sex?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
