Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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