Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
