I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
