i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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